But they were there, and they were getting stronger. His discovery freed us—I see that now. The sense of hurt and betrayal is enormous, often leading to divorce. Or when the kids were exceptionally challenging at bedtime and there were three loads of laundry to fold. Men like this whom I've worked with use pornography and: I grieved hard for the end of our marriage. We talked about it all the time:
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Around the world, many gay men are married to women. As challenging as that time was, we grew as individuals and as a family. I had nothing to lose by trying, so I agreed to an open marriage—well, a one-sided one anyway. This had been my fear from the beginning. Yes, they need to take responsibility for not having come out sooner and avoided heterosexual marriage. Some gay men believe that being married can rid them of their homosexuality.